When I look back at the past two years, I have a sense of awe and amazement for what has taken place in my personal life, the movement’s community life, our nation, and our world. Not all of it has been wonderful, and not all of it has been easy. Not all of it has been convenient. If I had known in advance what some of these experiences would be, I might not have wanted them. As I was going through some of the events of these past years, I didn't exactly experience gratitude, appreciation, or amazement. I experienced struggle, resistance, and confusion.
Yet, what is also true is that there was something or someone beautiful, helpful, and inspiring at every point along the way, without ever wanting something in return. Like the air I breathed, the clothing I wore, an encouraging word, or an act of kindness.
I
used to think of gratitude as the feeling I have when I receive something I
want or need. And that is a good and appropriate feeling to express. I changed
my mind about gratitude after someone gave me something without requiring anything
from me. As a young music student, I couldn't
afford $1k for my needed musical instrument.
It was a very stressful time, and I was at risk of being unable to keep
up with the other students. A local business heard of my situation and sponsored
my tuition and purchase of the instrument.
I went to ask the business owner
what I could do in return – I remember
the look on his face - "nothing," is all he said. I was grateful for the support. More
importantly, the generosity gave me a general appreciation and humility, because
I couldn't have predicted the gift. And there was nothing asked of me in
return.
I
wanted to remember that feeling. And I have. Mainly It has helped me pay
attention to the thousand ways life supports me without asking for a thing in
return. And it's helped me to be generous without seeking anything in return. It
has helped me to live as if I know there is a power for good in the universe flowing
through me as it flows through everyone. Not only in the good times – but all
along the way. When I can remember to
pause and breathe and look for the good, acknowledge and appreciate the small
miracles that are present, the practice helps me keep moving even when I can't
see through to the other side.
When
I appreciate what good I notice, I'm not ignoring the real difficulties and
needs I have, nor the immense tragedies of the world or the hardships people
experience. I'm getting into the habit
of being aware of the simplest things that make life the mystery that it is. That
habit has developed in me an attitude of thankfulness that I feel even when I
don't know what or when the gift is or where it might be coming from.
Sometimes,
I can't get to appreciation right away –
So I start by looking at life just as it is. Donald Altman, in the Mindfulness Code,
gives an exercise:
First, turn your attention to what you have in
your life from the very moment you wake in the morning. Appreciate the breath,
the blankets that warm you, the shower that refreshes and cleanses you, and
even the alarm clock that wakes you up. Next, find a reminder of ordinary
goodness you can carry with you throughout the day, such as a picture of a
loved one, a stone or other object from a memorable trip, or an inspirational
quote. Finally, share your appreciation of ordinary goodness with others.
When
I get to that feeling of appreciation, my heart is softer, my mind is slowed
down, and I have a sense of awe. I have
the feeling that I imagine goes with the phrase "Oh my God." I feel love
and respect when I see life around me in its delicate, fragile, fantastic
mystery. Then I notice the air doesn't want anything in return. The blanket wants nothing. The cup is perfectly being a cup. Everything
is what it is. Perfectly. I can then try to see myself the same way I look at
that cup, blanket, or wall with acceptance, respect, and kindness. If I'm
worried, for example- I try to see that worried part of me with kindhearted compassion
– without rejecting that part of me.
Then,
from this acceptance of life –gentle gratitude for life rises for no particular
reason other than I see it for what it is.
To get into that feeling helps to admit that I don't always know how things
will work out. It helps to accept that there may be tension and struggle on
this journey. It is useful to realize that I get impatient to get to the good
part of life. I can relax a bit when I admit I don't know everything and that
I'm impatient. When I relax a bit, I can hold things less tightly. When I hold
things less tightly, amazing things happen that I can't predict, nor could I
have planned. It's as if life is waiting for me to take a breath and open my grateful
heart like a window opening in a stuffy room, letting me breathe easily.
And
in that state, when I drop the urge to fight against life, I start to notice
more and more what there is in life that I have taken for granted.
One
of our spiritual practices in Centers
for Spiritual Living is circulation. Circulation includes simple gratitude
exercises that can lead to this kindhearted state of mind. Gratitude exercises
help me recover from life's stress (when I remember to do them). Gratitude
exercises help me turn my emptiness into gladness when I silently thank
everyone and everything. I don't make a big deal out of the exercise, and I don't
tell anyone I'm doing it. When my mind is troubled, I start appreciating
whatever I can. If I see someone helping a child, I say "Thank you"
silently. If I see someone smiling at a friend, I say "Thank you"
silently. When I keep going, something changes in me. Nothing huge happens,
though it might. Life doesn't suddenly make more sense, though it might. The
reasons for poverty, racism, and war don't become clearer. But a slow warmth,
like an inner light, begins to glow in me. I call that warmth, gratitude… and
it gives me the courage to look for more to be grateful for and generous
without strings attached, and it inspires me to do what is mine to do to create
a world that works better for all.
I can get into this feeling by asking myself, and I invite you to ask yourself: In this past year, how has life shown itself to me in its tender beauty through an event, a smile, a person, an unexpected kindness? In this past year, how did I show up well, through some act of kindness, some generosity? How have I been touched and moved by another person's act of kindness this past year? How have my eyes been opened this past year to see the mystical oneness of this spiritual life?
And
then try to stay in that feeling of gratitude.
WHY?
Because
our world is hungry for your gift of gratitude. Your gratitude is an
acknowledgment that life is worth living. Your gratitude feeds your community
with hope and makes the impossible possible. Every time you express your gratitude,
you give others strength and courage to go on and to believe in themselves… The simplest and most beautiful way of
practicing is by saying what I'm grateful for.
For
example, I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for my friends.... who know
the Truth about me and still love me. I am grateful for the great women in my
life...who have shown me how to be strong and gentle. I am grateful for the
great men in my life...who have shown me how to be gentle and strong. I am
grateful to the Centers for Spiritual Living staff, who work tirelessly behind the scenes. I'm grateful for medical science and how it has helped us navigate the
Pandemic, and for my hand surgery so I can continue working with my hands. I am
grateful for this community and all the volunteers in it who let it be normal
to make spiritual living a priority. I am grateful for our Prayer Practitioners,
who know how to put their stuff aside to be there for others when we need them
in prayer.
Another
easy way to practice is by saying thank you as much as possible…not only
silently in my head but out loud to people. People may receive it well, and I
can't be sure. I can be sure that my heart will open with the practice.
I
write thank-you cards to people who contribute significantly to Centers for
Spiritual Living. One person contacted me to tell me she did not need the thank-you
card. She said very sweetly, "That's not why I give."
Now,
I have a friendly relationship with her. I said playfully, "Oh honey, I'm
not writing the card for you. I'm saying thank you for me!" Because I
never want to slip into heartless receiving. I never want to take people's
generosity for granted; I never want to forget all the hands, hearts, and prayers
that come our way. We also sometimes send out random thank-you cards.
One
year, in my local community in Santa Rosa, we had a great time – we sent random cards of
appreciation to everyone. One member told me that when she received an envelope
from our Center with a card, she opened it thinking, "Ok, what do they
want now?" But she found no request for donations in it, only a genuine
expression of gratitude. She said to me, "It touched me deeply. I've been
back to the card several times to look at it." Later she told me that
receiving the card inspired her to write to her family members who lived in
other states to tell them what she appreciated about them.
I
leave you with this. Gratitude is
contagious, and its warmth is irresistible to others. Gratitude is creative,
and it does things that we cannot do by ourselves. Gratitude is attractive and
draws us forward to being our best selves in life.
