Grieving as an Act of Revolutionary Love, by Rev. Cindy Grimes

“Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity. Grief is the price we pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.”

Rabbi Earl A. Grollman

There is great wisdom in the Rabbi’s quote. Grief has been a fairly constant companion in our collective psyche since the arrival of the pandemic. I don’t know anyone untouched by pain or loss in the past year. We’ve seen people die from illness and violence. People are experiencing loss of jobs and economic security. Many are mourning the loss of ways of living, dreams, ideals, and relationships.

Grief is difficult enough under the best of circumstances. It takes strength and courage to face the pain of loss. With the plethora of distractions at our disposal, it’s easy to avoid grief…at least temporarily. We can bury the need to grieve under endless to-do lists and addictions of all kinds, but the soul will only allow itself to be ignored for so long. According to author and grief coach Hope Edelman, “In children and teens, unaddressed grief can manifest as trouble sleeping, depression, anxiety, behavior issues, and lower self-esteem, a 2015 study found. Research from 2018 found it leads to aggression and academic or work struggles. In adults, unaddressed grief can manifest as depression, anger, anxiety, and substance use and abuse. Medical research has linked unaddressed and suppressed emotions to a host of physical ailments later in life, including hypertension and autoimmune disorders.”

The difficult work of grieving has become even more challenging and more necessary in our current circumstances. Edelman said in her recent Washington Post article that pandemic grief “poses a potential public health crisis of its own.” Whenever I see the word “crisis” I remember the phrase, “In the midst of every crisis lies great opportunity” and I give thanks for understanding principles of the Science of Mind and realizing the power of thought.

As I delve further into the work of Valarie Kaur and her Revolutionary Love Project, I see the opportunity inherent in the crisis before us. In her book, See No Stranger, Valarie defines Revolutionary Love as “the choice to enter into labor for others, for our opponents, and for ourselves in order to transform the world around us.” She calls Grieving the second core practice of Revolutionary Love. Developing the capacity to sit in the pain of grief is necessary for personal health, well-being and spiritual growth. We avoid it at our peril. Grief is the price we pay for love and love is what we came here to be. The spiritual muscle we develop from sitting with our own grief develops our capacity to sit with the grief of others. It strengthens with practice. Just as grieving is necessary for individual health and well-being, it is necessary for our collective health and well-being. Revolutionary love requires the willingness to allow another’s pain and suffering into our own experience and to share in that person’s grief without trying to fix or minimize it. This love has the capacity to transform both giver and receiver.

The crisis of “pandemic grief” is giving us the opportunity to forge new relationships, facilitate systemic healing, and to create the beloved community. It is not necessary that we know the people with whom we grieve. In fact, grieving with others is a way that we can come to know, appreciate and love others as ourselves. Now, if the idea of allowing another’s pain into your heart just feels too overwhelming, you may have some unexpressed grief to acknowledge. Be kind to yourself…have a good cry...do a releasing ritual…spend time in nature…allow the grief to flow through you. If you’re feeling strong, consider reaching out to someone who is grieving. Offer a listening ear and loving presence. Your willingness to grieve and pay the price of loving others is already helping to create a world that works for all.