The Paradox of Freedom, by Rev. Cindy Grimes

For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s own chains,
but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. 

 ~Nelson Mandela

The Cambridge English Dictionary defines freedom as “the condition or right of being able or allowed to do, say, think, etc. whatever you want to without being controlled or limited.” Americans especially value freedom of expression and the idea of living without controls or limits. Yet what happens when another person’s freedom of expression impinges on our own? Someone may want the freedom to enter a grocery store without wearing a mask, while other patrons want the freedom to shop without being exposed to potential infection. Therein lies the paradox of freedom. In our day-to-day world, Freedom requires boundaries, aka limits and controls. Freedom really isn’t free.

When faced with two seemingly contradictory truths, physicist Niels Bohr said "How wonderful that we've met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making some progress." Bohr understood that entertaining paradox stretches and expands the mind and our understanding. This capacity lies at the heart of creativity and possibility. Embracing the paradox of freedom—i.e. understanding and implementing boundaries, discipline, and limits – can actually enhance our sense of individual and collective freedom. It can be a win for all, paving a way to more effective communication and better outcomes.

I have been facilitating transformational classes and workshops for over 15 years. One of the things I do as part of the introduction to every workshop is to guide the group in establishing ground rules or group agreements for our interactions. While many guidelines are optional, in my opinion, there are two agreements that are non-negotiable: 1. Be respectful of others and 2. Maintain confidentiality. In workshops I facilitate, it’s OK to disagree with others. In fact, thoughtful questioning and discussion is encouraged. However, it’s not OK to disagree in a way that is disrespectful or dehumanizing toward others. The confidentiality agreement is essential for establishing trust and creating an environment that feels safe enough for people to express themselves. The safety created by these workshop “boundaries” allows participants the freedom to share their hearts, minds, and experiences without fear of judgment, which then allows healing and transformation to occur.

There’s another aspect to the freedom paradox. The freedom to think, say and do as we please does not mean we are free from the consequences of our thoughts, words, or actions. True freedom involves taking responsibility for ourselves and the willingness to hold ourselves accountable for our actions. When we refuse accountability for consequences resulting from causes we set in motion, we give our personal power to people or circumstances outside of ourselves and feel like victims. Freedom from feeling victimized comes from acknowledging and accepting our part in the circumstance and taking appropriate action to make a course correction or set a new cause in motion.

If there’s an area of your life where you don’t feel free to fully express yourself or you are feeling victimized in some way, it may help to examine your boundaries and possibly set some new ones. Do you find yourself blaming others or complaining about what someone else should or shouldn’t be doing? That’s a tell-tale sign that you’re not owning your own power. Stop “shoulding” on yourself and others and ask yourself, “What could I do to create a better outcome?” The only person in charge of your life is YOU. It’s time to reclaim your power and your freedom.

How wonderful it is to explore the paradox of freedom. With a few appropriate boundaries and the willingness to hold ourselves accountable, we can experience the kind of freedom that casts off our own chains, while enhancing the freedom of others.

Rev. Cindy Grimes